My Mother-in-law Must Be The

You Know You're Old When Someone Compliments You On Your Alligator Shoes, And You're Barefoot.

Tennis Is Like Marrying For Money. Love Has Nothing To Do With It.

Housework Can't Kill You, But Why Take A Chance?

Your Husband Drinks Too Much If He Says He Never Drinks Alone, But Considers The Goldfish Somebody.

I've Tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, T'ai Chi, Feng Shui And Deepak Chopra But I Find Straight Gin Works Best.