I Want My Children To

I Have So Many Liver Spots, I Ought To Come With A Side Of Onions.

My Plastic Surgeon ... Said My Face Looked Like A Bouquet Of Elbows.

It Took Me Three Weeks To Stuff The Turkey. I Stuffed It Through The Beak.

Never Refer To Your Wedding Night As The Original Amateur Hour.

I Honestly Believe There Is Absolutely Nothing Like Going To Bed With A Good #book; Or A Friend Who's #read One.