I Want My Children To

Keep At Least One Window Pane Clean To Check The Weather. Once When I Didn't Do This I Sent The Kids Off With Umbrellas For Six Weeks Straight.

Like All Good Ruins, I Look Better By Moonlight.

I'm Beginning To Have Morning Sickness. I'm Not Having A Baby, I'm Just Sick Of Morning.

My Body's In Such Bad Shape I Wear Prescription Underwear.

The Best Contraceptive For Old People Is Nudity.