I Have So Many Liver

You Know You're Old If They Have Discontinued Your Blood Type.

To Get A Roaster Clean, Send Something Like Baked Apples In It To A Neighbor. Neighbors Always Return Pans Spotless, And You Won't Have To Use A Blow Torch On It Like You Usually Do.

Let Me Tell You, A Discussion That Starts, 'i'll Tell You Something You Do That Irritates Me, If You Tell Me Something I Do That Bothers You,' Never Ends In A Hug And A Kiss.

My House Used To Be Haunted, But The Ghosts Haven't Been Back Since The Night I Tried On All My Wigs.

If You Don't Have Wrinkles, You Haven't Laughed Enough.