When I Was A Kid

His Breath Is So Bad Why Every Time He Smokes He Blows Onion Rings.

My Only Thrill Is Self Inflicted Hickies.

My Wife's Jealousy Is Getting Ridiculous. The Other Day She Looked At My Calendar And Wanted To Know Who May Was.

When I Was Forty, I Was Getting Divorced, Living In A Low-class, Dirty Hotel In New York. My Mother Was Dying Of Cancer. I Owed $20,000. That Was About The Lowest. I Came Back To Show Business, And I Couldn't Get A Job. I Was Turned Down By Every Small-time Agent In New York.

My Wife Wants Sex In The Back Of The Car And She Wants Me To Drive.