I Could Tell My Parents

For Two Hours, Some Guy Followed Me Around With A Pooper Scooper.

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I've Got The Only Dog Who Begs For Alka-seltzer.

I Once Went Out With This Wild Girl. She Made French Toast And Got Her Tongue Caught In The Toaster.

I Told My Dentist I Want A Tooth To Match The Others. He Gave My One With Four Cavities.

With My Wife I Don't Get No Respect. I Made A Toast On Her Birthday To 'the Best Woman A Man Ever Had.' The Waiter Joined Me.