My Wife Has To Be

I Was So Ugly My Mother Used To Feed Me With A Sling Shot.

I Like To Date Schoolteachers. If You Do Something Wrong, They Make You Do It Over Again.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. I Told My Mother, I'm Gonna Run Away From Home. She Said, On Your Mark.

One Night I Came Home. I Figured, Let My Wife Come On. I'll Play It Cool. Let Her Make The First Move. She Went To Florida.

With My Old Man I Got No Respect. He Told Me Never Take Candy From A Stranger Unless He Offered Me A Ride.