For Two Hours, Some Guy

I Like To Date Schoolteachers. If You Do Something Wrong, They Make You Do It Over Again.

Oh, I Was An Ugly Kid. My Old Man Took Me To The Zoo. They Thanked Him For Returning Me.

We Were Poor. We Were So Poor, In My Neighborhood The Rainbow Was In Black-and-white.

My Wife's Jealousy Is Getting Ridiculous. The Other Day She Looked At My Calendar And Wanted To Know Who May Was.

I Started Over Again With An Image: Nothing Goes Right. Then When The Godfather Came Out, All I Heard Was, Show Respect. With Me, You Show Respect. So I Changed The Image To I Don't Get No Respect. I Tried It Out In Greenwich Village. I Remember The First Joke I Told: Even As A Kid, I'd Play Hide And Seek And The Other Kids Wouldn't Even Look For Me. The People Laughed. After The Show, They Started Saying To Me, Me, Too - I Don't Get No Respect. I Figured, Let's Try It Again.