One Time I Went To

In High School, When I Played Football I Got No Respect. I Shared A Locker With A Mop.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. When I Went On The Roller Coaster, My Old Man Told Me To Stand Up Straight.

Hey Everybody, We're All Gonna Get Laid!

Comedy Is In My Blood. Too Bad It's Not In My Act.

[on 8/24/04, Before Entering A Los Angeles Hospital For Heart Valve Replacement Surgery] If Things Go Right, I'll Be There About A Week, And If Things Don't Go Right, I'll Be There About An Hour And A Half.