When You Walk Up Five

My Family Was A Bunch Of Drunks. When I Was Six I Came Up Missing, They Put My Picture On A Bottle Of Scotch.

We Want Five Thousand Dollars Or You'll See Your Kid Again.

I Tell Ya, With My Wife, I Got No Sex Life. Her Favorite Position Is Facing Bloomingdale's.

For Two Hours, Some Guy Followed Me Around With A Pooper Scooper.

Everyone Says That Looks Don't Matter, Age Doesn't Matter, Money Doesn't Matter. But I Never Met A Girl Yet Who Has Fallen In Love With An Old Ugly Man Who's Broke.