My Body's In Such Bad

I Asked My Hairdresser What Would Look Good On Me. She Says A Los Angeles Rams Football Helmet.

We Californians Are Constantly Accused Of Not Having Seasons, But We Do. We Have Fire, Flood, Mud, And Drought.

I Became A Stand-up Comedienne Because I Had A Sit-down Husband.

I Should Have Suspected My Husband Was Lazy. On Our Wedding Day, His Mother Told Me: "i'm Not Losing A Son; I'm Gaining A Couch."

They Just Elected Me Mis Phonograph Record Of 1966. They Discovered My Measurements Were 33 1/2, 45, 78!