Self-pity Is Better Than None.

Your Husband Is Lazy If Coffee Doesn't Keep Him Awake - Even When It's Hot And Being Spilled On Him.

When I Go To The Beach, My Grandchildren Try To Make Words Out Of The Veins In My Legs. That's Why I Still Take The Pill; I Don't Want Any More Grandchildren.

My Photographs Don't Do Me Justice - They Just Look Like Me.

... If I Invested In A Mouthwash Stock, Bad Breath Would Suddenly Become Popular.

Once My Husband Said To Me, 'i'm Going To Have Some Coffee. Do You Want Me To Put Some Hot Water On For You?' I Thought That Was The Least He Could Do Considering I Was Giving Birth.