Your Husband Is Lazy If

I'm Eighteen Years Behind In My Ironing.

My Mother Hated Me. Once She Took Me To An Orphanage And Told Me To Mingle

My Plastic Surgeon ... Said My Face Looked Like A Bouquet Of Elbows.

A Friend Told Me The Longer You Keep Romano Cheese, The Better It Gets. So, I Kept It Three Years. And This Thing Turned Mean. Now And Then I'd Open The Refrigerator Door And Throw It Some Food. I'd Have To Walk It Now And Then. And Then It Grew This One Leg. And It's Got This Ugly Fuzz All Over It. And The Dogs Won't Run With It.

To Get A Roaster Clean, Send Something Like Baked Apples In It To A Neighbor. Neighbors Always Return Pans Spotless, And You Won't Have To Use A Blow Torch On It Like You Usually Do.