My Photographs Don't Do Me

I Finally Had A Ship Tattooed To My Chest. I Wanted Something On It.

When You Hire A Person To Plan Your Wedding, This Does Not Include Securing The Groom. Plan To Get Married On Friday The 13th. In Years To Come This Will Make It Much Easier To Explain Why Things Turned Out Badly. To Look Beautiful At Your Wedding, Take Time To Plan It. It Took Me A Long Time To Find Two Ugly Bridesmaids And A Frumpy Little Flower Girl.

Any Time Three New Yorkers Get Into A Cab Without An Argument, A Bank Has Just Been Robbed.

In Most States You Can Get A Driver's License When You're Sixteen Years Old, Which Made A Lot Of Sense To Me When I Was Sixteen Years Old But Now Seems Insane.

Carry An Oar When You Drive. Three Times I've Ended Up In Water.