Jim Norton And Harland Williams

I'm A Deep Thinker When It Comes To Shallow No Brainers.

Some People Have Constipation Of The Brain But Their Mouth Has The Runs.

My Real First Job Was Delivering Newspapers With I Was 15. I Would Ride My Bike Around And Chuck Papers At People's Houses. The Thing That Sucked Is When I Would Go Collecting Everyone Acted Like They Were Not Home. Totally Sucked But Because I Could Control The Weather I Showered Trashcan Size Hail Down On Their Homes Until They Were Completely Decimated.

I Just Get Excited Doing Shows. Off Stage I Am Actually Very Feeble And Must Be Spoon-fed Because My Hands Are Too Brittle.

We Never Had A Pool, Right. So One Summer, I Remember. My Dad, To Make Me Happy. You Know I Was Bummed Out Cause We Didn't Have The Pool. So One Summer He Bought Us This Thing. It Was Yellow, You Laid It On The Lawn, Sprayed It With The Water, Run Across. Slip N' Slide. Yeah. Would Have Been Fun If Dad Checked For Rocks Before He Laid It Down! Slip N' Bleed From The Anus They Should Have Called This Ride.