It Was A Tough School.

The Problem With Life Is, By The Time You Can Read Women Like A Book, Your Library Card Has Expired.

Valentine's Day Is The Day When You Remember That Cupid Was A Lousy Shot.

My Wife Sent Me A Valentine Card That Said, "take My Heart, Take My Lips, Take My Soul." That's Just Like Her. She Kept The Good Parts For Herself.

I Like To Think Of Myself As The Middleman Between Fred Allen And Henny Youngman.

I Feel Like Zsa Zsa Gabor's Sixth Husband. I Know What I'm Supposed To Do, But I Don't Know How To Make It Interesting.