In America, You Break Law.

If You Have Something Important To Say, Broadway And New York Are Great Places To Say It.

Comedians Are Always Hitting The Topical Notes That Are On Everybody's Minds.

I Was Not Only Typecast As A Russian, But I Was Typecast As Yakov Smirnoff. This Is Understandable, And I Was Very Happy To Get The Roles, But It Would Be Nice To Be In A Movie Where I Could Be Someone Else.

Homosexuality In Russia Is A Crime And The Punishment Is Seven Years In Prison, Locked Up With The Other Men. There Is A Three Year Waiting List.

In America, You Can Always Find A Party. In Soviet Russia, The Party Can Always Find You!