If You Can't Say Something

If You Can't Say Anything Good About Someone, Sit Right Here By Me.

My Father Always Wanted To Be The Corpse At Every Funeral, The Bride At Every Wedding And The Baby At Every Christening.

If You Haven't Got Anything Nice To Say About Anybody, Come Sit Next To Me.

I Live By Three Rules: I Eat When I'm Hungry, Sleep When I'm Tired And Scratch When I Itch.

[on Washington, D.c.:] A Town Of Successful Men And The Women They Married Before They Were Successful.