I Was The World's Ugliest

You Want To Look Younger... Rent Smaller Children.

Oh, That Dog! Ever Hear Of A German Shepherd That Bites Its Nails? Barks With A Lisp? You Say, "attack!" And He Has One. All He Does Is Piddle. He's Nothing But A Fur-covered Kidney That Barks.

My Husband Is So Useless That It's Hard For Me To Be Romantic With Him. I Get Down On The Floor And Say, If You Love Me, Blink Your Eyes.

A Bachelor Is A Guy Who Never Made The Same Mistake Once.

I'd Love To Slit My Mother-in-law's Corsets And Watch Her Spread To Death.