I Used To Date A

I Was An Ugly Kid; When I Was Born, After The Doctor Cut The Cord, He Hung Himself.

Yeah, I Know I'm Ugly... I Said To A Bartender, 'make Me A Zombie.' He Said 'god Beat Me To It.'

I Asked My Wife, 'on A Scale Of 1 To 10, How Do You Rate Me As A Lover?' She Said, 'you Know I'm No Good At Fractions.'

There's Only One Thing Wrong With My Wife's Face - It Shows.

My Father Carries Around The Picture Of The Kid Who Came With His Wallet.