I Was An Ugly Kid;

Men Who Do Things Without Being Told Draw The Most Wages.

One Year They Asked Me To Be Poster Boy - For Birth Control.

I Told My Psychiatrist That Everyone Hates Me. He Said I Was Being Ridiculous - Everyone Hasn't Met Me Yet.

I Have Nothing But Troubles With My Car. Every Sunday I Take My Family Out For A Push.

I've Been Writing Jokes Since I'm Fifteen. Not Out Of Happiness, But To Go To A Different Place, Because Reality Wasn't Good To Me.