I Asked My Wife, 'on

Never Guess Your Wife's Size. Just Buy Anything Marked Petite And Hold On To The Receipt.

I Tell Ya When I Was A Kid, All I Knew Was Rejection. My Yo-yo, It Never Came Back.

When I Got Back Into Show Business In 1961, I Felt - For Obvious Reasons - That Nothing In My Life Went Right, And I Realized That Millions Of People Felt The Same Way. So When I First Came Back My Catch Phrase Was "nothing Goes Right." Early On, That Was My Setup For A Lot Of Jokes.

At Christmas Time I Sat On Santa's Lap. His Fly Was Open ! Boy What A Present He Gave Me !

You Know You're Ugly When You Go To The Proctologist And He Sticks His Finger In Your Mouth.