I Tell Ya, I Know

When I Go To A Nude Beach, I Always Take A Ruler, Just In Case I Have To Prove Something.

You Know You're Old When Your Family Talk About You In Front Of You. What Are We Going To Do With Pop? We Have Company Tonight.

My Family Was A Bunch Of Drunks. When I Was Six I Came Up Missing, They Put My Picture On A Bottle Of Scotch.

She Was So Fat That Her Bathtub Has Stretch Marks.

People Seldom Live Up To Their Baby Pictures.