Everyone Has A Family Tree;

Mind You, I've Always Been Musical... Mother Used To Sit Me On Her Knee And I'd Whisper, 'mummy, Mummy, Sing Me A Lullaby Do,' And She'd Say: 'certainly My Angel, My Wee Bundle Of Happiness, Hold My Beer While I Fetch Me Banjo.'

The Wife's Mother Said, ‘when You're Dead, I'll Dance In Your Grave.’ I Said: ‘good, I'm Being Buried At Sea’.

My Mother-in-law Had To Stop Skipping For Exercise. It Registered Seven On The Richter Scale.

I Used To Sell Furniture For A Living. The Trouble Was, It Was My Own.

I've Just Had Some Bad News. Tomorrow Is The Mother In Law's Funeral. And She's Cancelled It.