I Need To Give Affection

Mind You, I've Always Been Musical... Mother Used To Sit Me On Her Knee And I'd Whisper, 'mummy, Mummy, Sing Me A Lullaby Do,' And She'd Say: 'certainly My Angel, My Wee Bundle Of Happiness, Hold My Beer While I Fetch Me Banjo.'

I Knew I'd Chosen The Wrong Airline When I Noticed The Sick Bag Had The Lord's Prayer On It.

I Know My Name Will Always Be Linked With Women.

I Used To Sell Furniture For A Living. The Trouble Was, It Was My Own.

I Went To My Doctor And Asked For Something For Persistent Wind. He Gave Me A Kite.