Zero, Zero Belief In Myself.

If I Was Going Onstage, Of Course I Would Talk About It. How Could I Not?

I Defy Anyone To Produce Any Evidence That The Word 'happy' Has Ever Crossed My Lips. I Am Not Now, Nor Have I Ever Been, 'happy.'

Sometimes I Have These Fantasies Of Just Moving To A Foreign Country And Coming Back With A Full Head Of Hair. Or Not Even Come Back! Make A New Life There With Hair... Change My Name, Just See What Happens.

I Learned The First Night That Ihop's Not The Place To Order Fish.

You Know, When You Do Standup There Are Certain Requirements That You Have To Do Like You Have To Go On Stage And When You Get Introduced You Have To Say "hey,how Ya Doin'? How Are Ya?" I Couldn't Do It. It Was False.