When People Come Over To

Recently My Girlfriend Asked Me If I Was Having Sex Behind Her Back And I Replied, "yes, Who Did You Think It Was?"

My Father Always Used To Say, "what Doesn't Kill You, Makes You Stronger," - 'til The Accident.

Let's Face It, The Gene Pool Needs A Little Chlorine.

After A Gig I Always Head Back To The Hotel, Remembering Granny's Words Of Wisdom. I Cancel The Late-night Pizza And Watch The Jonathan Ross Show Instead.

As Soon As I Did My First Five Minutes Of Stand-up I Knew That I Would Rather Be A Failure At Comedy Than A Success In Marketing.