When I Was Born I

I Came From A Real Tough Neighborhood. Once A Guy Pulled A Knife On Me. I Knew He Wasn't A Professional, The Knife Had Butter On It.

She Was So Ugly That Her Face Could Stop A Sundial.

When I Got Back Into Show Business In 1961, I Felt - For Obvious Reasons - That Nothing In My Life Went Right, And I Realized That Millions Of People Felt The Same Way. So When I First Came Back My Catch Phrase Was "nothing Goes Right." Early On, That Was My Setup For A Lot Of Jokes.

When I Told My Wife She Was Lousy In Bed - She Went Out - She Got A Second Opinion.

I Bought A New Japanese Car, I Turned On The Radio ... I Don't Understand A Word They're Saying.