When I Was A Kid

For Two Hours, Some Guy Followed Me Around With A Pooper Scooper.

I Found There Was Only One Way To Look Thin: Hang Out With Fat People.

I Could Tell My Parents Hated Me. My Bath Toys Were A Toaster And A Radio.

I Told My Dentist My Teeth Are Going Yellow. He Told Me To Wear A Brown Tie.

When I Was Born ... The Doctor Came Out To The Waiting Room And Said To My Father ... I'm Very Sorry. We Did Everything We Could ... But He Pulled Through.