When I Was A Kid,

He Taught Me Never To Smile, Which Helps Me When I Visit Disaster Sites.

My Sister Married A German. He Complained He Couldn't Get A Good Bagel Back Home. I Said: 'well, Whose Fault Is That?'

Race Is Still Somewhat Of A Taboo In Comedy. But If You're A Minority, Then You Can Make Fun Of Your Own Minority. And That's A Nice Service That Many Of Them Provide.

I Used To Think That The Brain Was The Most Wonderful Organ In My Body. Then I Realized Who Was Telling Me This.

My Girlfriend Said, Emo, I'm Seeing Another Man. I Said, Well, Try Rubbing Your Eyes Or Something.