What A Childhood I Had.

Last Week I Told My Wife, If You Would Learn To Cook, I Could Fire The Chef. She Said, If You Could Learn To Make Love, I Could Fire The Chauffer.

Getting Older Is Tough. I Remember The Last Time I Felt An Erection. It Was At The Movies. The Only Trouble Is, It Belonged To The Guy Sitting Next To Me.

I Told My Wife A Man Is Like Wine, He Gets Better With Age. She Locked Me In The Cellar.

I Told My Dentist My Teeth Are Going Yellow. He Told Me To Wear A Brown Tie.

With My Dog I Don't Get No Respect. He Keeps Barking At The Front Door. He Don't Want To Go Out. He Wants Me To Leave.