We're A Heart Attack Away

You Might Be A Redneck If You Give Your Dad A Gallon Of Pepto-bismol For His Birthday.

Watching A Baby Being Born Is A Little Like Watching A Wet St. Bernard Coming In Through The Cat Door.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Parakeet Knows The Phrase Open Up, Police!

I Turned Down A Movie This Summer Because It Was Nine Weeks In Vancouver And My Oldest Daughter Is 14. I've Got Four More Summers With Her. I'm Not Giving Away Nine Weeks Of Her Summer To Go Do A Silly Movie.

I've Been To All 50 States, And Traveled This Whole Country, And 90 Percent Of The People Are Good Folks. The Rest Of Them Take After The Other Side Of The Family.