W. C. Fields, A Lifetime

You Can't Trust Water: Even A Straight Stick Turns Crooked In It.

Start Every Day Off With A Smile And Get It Over With.

California Is The Only State In The Union Where You Can Fall Asleep Under A Rose Bush In Full Bloom And Freeze To Death.

Just Like My Uncle Charlie Used To Say, Just Before He Sprung The Trap: He Said, "you Can't Cheat And Honest Man! Never Give A Sucker An Even Break Or Smarten Up A Chump!

I Never Drink Water; That Is The Stuff That Rusts Pipes.