When Life Hands You Lemons,

The Advantages Of Whiskey Over Dogs Are Legion. Whiskey Does Not Need To Be Periodically Wormed, It Does Not Need To Be Fed, It Never Requires A Special Kennel, It Has No Toenails To Be Clipped Or Coat To Be Stripped. Whiskey Sits Quietly In Its Special Nook Until You Want It. True, Whiskey Has A Nasty Habit Of Running Out, But Then So Does A Dog.

There Are Better Things Than Sex, But Nothing Quite Like It.

Don't Worry About Your Heart, It Will Last You As Long As You Live.

Never Try To Impress A Woman, Because If You Do She'll Expect You To Keep Up The Standard For The Rest Of Your Life.

I Don't Drink Anymore, On The Other Hand I Don't Drink Any Less Either.