To A Newspaperman, A Human

California Is A Fine Place To Live - If You Happen To Be An Orange.

Success Is Like Dealing With Your Kid Or Teaching Your Wife To Drive. Sooner Or Later You'll End Up In The Police Station.

A Committee Is A Group Of People Who Individually Can Do Nothing, But Who, As A Group, Can Meet And Decide That Nothing Can Be Done.

I Always Have Trouble Remembering Three Things: Faces, Names, And - I Can't Remember What The Third Thing Is.

Cocktail Party: A Gathering Held To Enable Forty People To Talk About Themselves At The Same Time. The Man Who Remains After The Liquor Is Gone Is The Host.