If I Get Big Laughs,

Everyday Happiness Means You Can't Wait To Come Home, Because The Soup Is Hot.

If I Get Big Laughs, I'm A Comedian. If I Get Little Laughs, I'm A Humorist. If I Get No Laughs, I'm A Singer.

I'm Onstage For An Hour.i Do An Hour Of Stand-up. Actually, I Do 10 Minutes Standing Up And 50 Minutes Sitting In A Chair. Oh, Occasionally, I Stand Up Again To Do A Dance Or Put Over A Song. But Mostly I Sit Down. A Great Invention, Sitting Down.

There Are Many Ways To Die In Bed, But The Best Way Is Not Alone.

Age To Me Means Nothing. I Can't Get Old; I'm Working. I Was Old When I Was Twenty-one And Out Of Work. As Long As You're Working, You Stay Young. When I'm In Front Of An Audience, All That Love And Vitality Sweeps Over Me And I Forget My Age.