The Only Thing My Husband

My Mother Hated Me. Once She Took Me To An Orphanage And Told Me To Mingle

Oh, That Dog! Ever Hear Of A German Shepherd That Bites Its Nails? Barks With A Lisp? You Say, "attack!" And He Has One. All He Does Is Piddle. He's Nothing But A Fur-covered Kidney That Barks.

My Husband Is So Useless That It's Hard For Me To Be Romantic With Him. I Get Down On The Floor And Say, If You Love Me, Blink Your Eyes.

My Cooking Is So Bad My Kids Thought Thanksgiving Was To Commemorate Pearl Harbor.

I Was The World's Ugliest Baby. When I Was Born, The Doctor Slapped Everybody.