Never Go To Bed Mad.

I Was The World's Ugliest Baby. I Have Photos Of My Folks Leaving The Hospital With Sacks Over Their Heads... I Asked My Mother How To Turn Off The Electric Fan. She Said 'grab The Blade!

Most People Get An Appointment At A Beauty Parlor... I Was Committed!

You've Got To Realize That When All Goes Well, And Everything Is Beautiful, You Have No Comedy. It's When Somebody Steps On The Bride's Train, Or Belches During The Ceremony That You've Got Comedy!

Life Is A Do-it-yourself Kit, So Do It Yourself. Work. Practice.

My House Used To Be Haunted, But The Ghosts Haven't Been Back Since The Night I Tried On All My Wigs.