Please Don't Stand Up On

Golf Is A Hard Game To Figure. One Day You Will Go Out And Slice It And Shank It, Hit Into All The Traps And Miss Every Green. The Next Day You Go Out And, For No Reason At All, You Really Stink.

It's Amazing How Many People You See On Tv. I Did My First Television Show A Month Ago, And The Next Day Five Million Television Sets Were Sold. The People Who Couldn't Sell Theirs Threw Them Away.

To Give You An Idea Of How Fast We Travelled - We Left With Two Rabbits And When We Arrived We Still Had Only Two.

I'll Tell 'ya How To Stay Young: Hang Around With Older People.

Jimmy Stewart Could Have Been A Good Golfer, But He Speaks So Slowly That By The Time He Yells 'fore!' The Guy He's Hit Is Already In An Ambulance On The Way To The Hospital.