America Is A Country Where

My Next Door Neighbor Just Had A Pacemaker Installed. They're Still Working The Bugs Out, Though. Every Time He Makes Love, My Garage Door Opens.

With Today's Movies, If We Took Out All The Bad Language, We'd Go Back To Silent Films.

The Old Water Heater In My Dressing Room Was Working, But It Was Kind Of Tired. It Gave Off About As Much Warmth As An Agent's Handshake.

A Very, Very Religious Man. Every Time I Eat A Peanut, I Feel Immortal.

I Like A President Who Tells Jokes Instead Of Appointing Them.