Nine Out Of Ten Americans

Every Song A Hit, Every Hit A Smack!

Our Top Story Tonight: Famous Tv Dolphin Flipper Was Arrested Today On Prostitution Ring Charges. He Allegedly Was Seen Transporting Two 16 Year Olds Across State Line For Immoral Porpoises.

There Are So Many Things I'd Like To Change In The Industry. Everything From The Reliance Of Style Over Substance To Their Reluctance To Hire Me For Big Budget Blockbusters, But The Thing I Would Love Most Would Be If They Understood People Don't Have To Be Hollywood Beautiful To Be Sexy Or Interesting.

Hey, Come On, I've Seen Younger Faces On Money. Money.

My Mother On Her Death Bed Told Me, 'where The Hell Did That Kangaroo Come From!?' - It Just Popped Out Of Nowhere And Punched Her In The Head And Caused A Cerebral Hemorrhage, So I Thought I'd Move To A Country Where There Were No Kangaroos!