Last Year My Birthday Cake

I Remember The Time I Was Kidnapped And They Sent A Piece Of My Finger To My Father. He Said He Wanted More Proof.

I Come From A Stupid Family. During The Civil War My Great Uncle Fought For The West.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. I Played Hide-and-seek. They Wouldn't Even Look For Me.

I Went To See My Doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...i Told Him Once, "doctor, Every Morning When I Get Up And Look In The Mirror I Feel Like Throwing Up. What's Wrong With Me?" He Said, "i Don't Know, But Your Eyesight Is Perfect."

Oh, I Was An Ugly Kid. My Old Man Took Me To The Zoo. They Thanked Him For Returning Me.