If Pigs Had Wings, They

No Doubt Exists That All Women Are Crazy; It's Only A Question Of Degree.

My Main Ambition As A Gardener Is To Water My Orange Trees With Gin, Then All I Have To Do Is Squeeze The Juice Into A Glass.

Children Should Neither Be Seen Or Heard From - Ever Again.

We Frequently Hear Of People Dying From Too Much Drinking. That This Happens Is A Matter Of Record. But The Blame Is Always Placed On Whisky. Why This Should Be I Never Could Understand. You Can Die From Drinking Too Much Of Anything - Coffee, Water, Milk, Soft Drinks And All Such Stuff As That. And So As Long As The Presence Of Death Lurks With Anyone Who Goes Through The Simple Act Of Swallowing. I Will Make Mine Whisky.

I Was Married Once--in San Francisco. I Haven't Seen Her For Many Years. The Great Earthquake And Fire In 1906 Destroyed The Marriage Certificate. There's No Legal Proof. Which Proves That Earthquakes Aren't All Bad.