The Only Thing A Lawyer

Sex Isn't Necessary. You Don't Die Without It, But You Can Die Having It.

I Didn't Say The Meat Was Tough. I Said I Didn't See The Horse That Is Usually Outside.

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.

Christmas At My House Is Always At Least Six Or Seven Times More Pleasant Than Anywhere Else. We Start Drinking Early. And While Everyone Else Is Seeing Only One Santa Claus, We'll Be Seeing Six Or Seven.

You Can Fool Some Of The People Some Of The Time -- And That's Enough To Make A Decent Living.