I Try To Retire Jokes

It's Impossible For Me To Hear The Words Quadruple Murder Suicide Without Thinking Of My Grandparents.

I Feel Worthless. My Girlfriend Was Attacked On The Subway Yesterday. And I Can't Even Enjoy It.

I'm A Comedian And There Are A Lot Of Things I'm Still Learning. I Love One Liners Because I Love Smart Jokes. I Also Don't Like Complaining About Society Or Whining About My Life On Stage.

About A Year After I Moved To Los Angeles, I Decided I Wanted To Be A Joke Writer For A Late Night Talk Show. So I Met With A Late Night Joke Writer And He Told Me That I Should Start By Doing Stand-up Comedy, Because That Would Really Hone My Sense Of Humor And Joke Writing Ability. Eventually I Took A Stand-up Class And A Few Months Later I Had A Seven-minute Act.

Donald, I'm Not Sure If You're Even Aware Of This, But The Only Difference Between You And Michael Douglas From The Movie, Wall Street, Is That No One's Going To Be Sad When You Get Cancer.