I Killed A Squirrel Once

You Don't Know Anything About Pain Until You've Seen Your Own Baby Drowned In A Tub... And You Definitely Don't Know Anything About How To Wash A Baby.

I Love Austin, But Last Time I Was In Town For Twelve Hours. I Was Exhausted, Drunk And Miserable. But None Of That Was Austin's Fault.

My Sister Is Going To Have A Simple Wedding. Just Immediate Family. And Whoever The Hell Would Want To Marry Her.

I'm Actually A Really Nice Guy, Once You Get To Blow Me.

My Girlfriend Is Despicable. I Just Found Out She Flirted With My Brother, During My Mom's Funeral, While I Was Asleep.