I Never Panic When I

All Men Are Afraid Of Eyelash Curlers. They Don't Understand Them, And They Don't Want To Get Near Them. I Sleep With One Under My Pillow, Instead Of A Gun.

Natural Childbirth Scares Me. I Think Before You Have Natural Childbirth You Should Find Out How Big The Baby Is. Three Pounds -- Natural Childbirth. Anything Over Three Pounds -- Heroin.

My Father Was Never Very Friendly. When I Was Growing Up, I Thought The Doorbell Ringing Was A Signal To Pretend You Weren't Home.

I Loved My Mother Very Much, But She Was Not A Good Cook. Most Turkeys Taste Better The Day After; My Mother's Tasted Better The Day Before. In Our House Thanksgiving Was A Time For Sorrow.

I Worry About Las Vegas Schools. I Hear In Math, They Only Teach Them To Count To 21.