I Never Knew If I

You Look Like You Deep Fry Your Hands Before You Bite Your Fingernails.

Father's Day Makes Me Wish I Could Talk To My Dad Just One More Time, Instead Of All The Time.

I Prefer To Sleep With Deaf Girls. Those Crazy Chicks Never Have A Safe Word.

This Past Christmas, I Told My Girlfriend For Months In Advance That All I Wanted Was An Xbox. That's It. Beginning And End Of List, Xbox. You Know What She Got Me? A Homemade Frame With A Picture Of Us From Our First Date Together. Which Was Fine. Because I Got Her An Xbox.

That's The Worst Way You Can Hear About Comedy Material: From A Third Person's Blog Story That They Wrote When They Were Upset.