That's The Worst Way You

My Sister Just Had A Baby, A Little Newborn. The Kid Is Adorable, So Cute. She Wouldn't Let Me Hold Him, She Refuses. She Says, 'no Way, Anthony, I'm Afraid You're Gonna Drop Him.' I'm 32 Years Old. Like I'm Some Kind Of Idiot. Like I Don't Have A Million Other Ways To Hurt That Baby.

I Would Write 100 Jokes A Day. Most Of Them Were Terrible. But I Just Said, 'i'll Write More Than Everybody Else, And That's How I'll Get Better.'

I Come Up With My Jokes By Thinking Of A Topic.

My Mom's Been Having A Hard Time Lately. She Just Found Out That She Has To Have Both Of Her Breasts Removed - If She's Ever Going To Be Good At Golf.

Disgusting. I Just Found My Grandpa's Viagra. I Swear, I Almost Puked From Eating So Many.