I Prefer To Sleep With

Jeff Ross Has Been Roasting People Since Whitney Cummings Was Nothing But A Glint In The Eye Of The Man Who Raped Her Mother.

My Dad's Been Having A Hard Time Lately. Keeps On Losing His Keys. Can't Hang On To A Set Of Keys To Save His Life. And He Has Tried Everything Too: Little Hook Next To The Door, Little Bowl Next To His Bed, Keychain Makes A Noise When You Whistle. Nothing Worked. So Finally, This Year For His Birthday, The Whole Family Chipped In - And We Put Him In A Home.

I'm Actually A Really Nice Guy, Once You Get To Blow Me.

The Driving Force Behind Doing Everything That I've Been Doing As A Stand-up Is Having Problems With Authority And Not Liking To Be Told What To Do.

I Would Never Hit A Woman - Even If She Had A Knife Or A Stutter.