I'm Too Cynical To Be

What Do I Care If Someone Doesn't Like Me. If I Like Someone Other People Hate, It Makes Me Feel Special. I Think My Fans Feel That Way.

I Prefer To Sleep With Deaf Girls. Those Crazy Chicks Never Have A Safe Word.

Stereotypes Wouldn't Be So Bad If Black People Were Nicer, In General.

Every Night, My Girlfriend Comes Home From Work, And She Brings With Her A Houseplant. She's Like, 'anthony, I Had To Pick This Up. We Need A Houseplant In Our Apartment.' And Every Night, I Make Her Return It. I Say, 'no Way, Baby. You Can't Take Care Of A Houseplant. You Couldn't Even Keep Your Baby Alive.'

Disgusting. I Just Found My Grandpa's Viagra. I Swear, I Almost Puked From Eating So Many.